I’ve repelled some really good men.

Self sabotaged many attempts at having a healthy and loving relationship by holding fast to the empty promises of a married lover.

Pretty words with no action behind them. I’d probably still be stuck by those words.

I had to accept that healthy love doesn’t have someones actions continuously choosing another person over you, while feeding you fairytale bullshit of a future he never intended to have with you.

I allowed myself to be manipulated. Why? I wanted to feel love. I’ve had a hard time loving myself, so i accepted what was given as opposed to learning how to love myself.

The funniest part of it all, is how a married man can get upset about a woman wanting better for herself outside of him.

The moment I chose me, the moment, I said no more. I was selfish. I was mean. I was insensitive. I didn’t respect his feelings of love for me because I chose to walk away from a situation that repeatedly caused me to sink into depression, lose weight and at times, even loose my hair. If he could still have his way, we’d still be entangled in a toxic web of him living his best life, while I continued to diminish my self worth for him.

My health didn’t matter to him. I didn’t matter to him.

I had to matter to myself or I wouldn’t be where I am in this present moment.

I had been waiting for so long for someone to choose me and I had never chosen myself.

I finally choose me. Always and first, I choose me.