Maybe this disappointment occurred in my life to push me back to God…

I had been running for so long. Distracting myself with so many other things and people. Until he said enough!!! I will get your attention somehow! (Not saying that God causes us to experience disappointment). We live in an imperfect world and we are bound to experience setbacks that knock the wind out of us. More so when we aren’t living according to the model He has provided for us.

This one definitely made me stop in my tracks and say ok God! I hear you loud and clear. I am here! I am no longer running and trying to control my life. I can not control the cyclical aspects of life. It is impossible. This one hurt more so than I thought it would. I mean, I had been here before and had thought I had enough experience under my belt to cushion the blow. I was trying to live a life of always expecting the unexpected so I would not experience disappointment anymore. Boy, was I living a bald faced lie!

What led to this disappointment represented everything I had ever desired. It was suddenly before me and then vanished just as quick as it came. I had been filling this void in my life with non-stop travel, climbing the career ladder, activities and food. EVERYTHING but growing in my relationship with God! In these moments with God, I have been processing a lot of past behaviors. Those that are mostly toxic and hindering progress in the one area of my life that I have tried to control.

You will keep running until you cannot run any more! Although I was keeping myself “distracted” with false contentment, I knew “something” was still missing.

I have spent so much time trying to run, trying to fit a square peg into a around hole. Trying to dodge the hard work in myself that God has been trying to get me to do. This is my time of preparation. I know that God has something and someone great for me and it is time that I prepare for the greatness that He will bring into my life.

Just Jena 🙂